Marriage pt. 1

Dear readers,

It is a pleasure to be able to share with you all another blog today, I hope you all had a relaxing weekend.

In the light of the Royal Wedding that took place on Saturday, I felt I should say a few words on the topic of Marriage. There is no doubt that this is one of the most powerful institutions in the human society, with a lot of power to heal and foster love and growth. However just like a double edge sword, it also has the power to foster hate and dire consequences when abused.

Love is a beautiful thing and of course many people will be in Love at some point in time of their life. While some may find Love early, others might have to wait a little longer, some may either not find it or choose not to, while a select few may decide to seek a higher sense of Love or connection with the Divine. Whatever the circumstances are that you find yourself in, if at any point in time you decide to dedicate your lifetime to one person in holy matrimony, then you are most welcome to join me today as we discuss about marriage. When two people are legally and formally recognized to be in union in a personal relationship, they are said to be married. There is a Million dollar industry built around this institution. From dresses, to cakes, to bridal makeovers, to bachelorettes, and event planning etc. many people can easily get swamped about the D-day, and even forget that there is a day right after.

If you happen to be a Royal like Prince Harry, then imagine how much more detail, effort, money, resources and time that will be put into planning your wedding. What you do not want to happen is to fail at the marriage, after spending so much of your time and resources in planning a wedding. Many a times, people succeed at mesmerizing the guests at the wedding but then go on to fail at the marriage. Don’t get me wrong, simple weddings fail too. The lavishness or simplicity of your wedding is NOT the determining factor of the longevity of your marriage. There are various reasons why many marriages fail; money, infidelity, sexual incompatibility/lack of it, communication breakdowns, just to mention a few. These factors are potentially lurking in every marriage if couples are not willing to go the extra mile to make the marriage work. We can easily get lost in the topic of marriage, however what most people fail to see is that there is a phase before the marriage; and if ignored it could spell trouble.

Courting or dating as it is commonly referred to nowadays, is an opportunity to study a prospective spouse. It is meant to provide the intending couple a pressure free time to actually get to know each other well beyond the make perfect look of a first date. While there is no definite period for courting or dating before moving to a more committed phase, in average many couples court/date for about 18-25 months before actually tying the knots. Of course there are many others who court/date for a lesser period of time and have gone on to have long lasting marriages, it is usually advised that intending couples should date longer so as to avoid making a life-long mistake from hasty decisions. Today courting has gone through a whole lot of transformation and it isn’t what it used to be in the past. There seems to be a lot more focus on the physical aspect of the relationship (not to say it is not important), than on the emotional and psychological aspect of it.

Ideally we should only marry once, and get it right the first time. Sadly, this is not the case for the majority who have to try at it a couple of times, before they can get it right (if they actually do). A common denominator that many marriages have today, which seems to be like a modern day plus, is the “escape clause” called divorce. In reality, this is more of a problem than it is of an escape route. Many marriages end at first fight just because people feel they have an option or that they deserve better. More like love at first sight and divorce at first fight. It is not wrong to want something good for yourself, and try to get it. It is also possible that no matter how long we date and try to know someone, there will always be some things we never saw coming. Nevertheless, I personally feel that Marriages today have lost that spark called “doing everything to make it work”. Sometimes I feel if couples at their wedding were told that if they could make the marriage work for 30 years, with as little quarrels as possible and absolutely no divorce that they would win a whooping sum of say $20 Million; many marriages would go pass the 30 year mark. Now some of you may argue that; “well it is not genuine then because they are just trying to win the money”.

The truth is that in such a scenario, many couples will become a lot more tolerant, selfless, and accommodating, because they know there is a lot of money at stake. What beats me hollow is that there seems to be nothing at stake now, hence no one wants to put in any of the mentioned attributes. Also in an era where “love” is a swipe away and hookups are on your palms, choosing a partner becomes as easy as looking at a picture or reading a bio. If we do not like we just swipe and move on, because we know there is another one. In previous years during the times of our grandparents, they had less technological advancement as compared to what we have and enjoy now.  Life was tough and many of our grandparent’s had to make extra efforts for the things we have so easily today. One would think that a positive growth in technology and science would have a directly proportional growth to relationships today. On the contrary, the relationship has been inversely proportional. As times pass and science makes more discoveries that makes life seemingly better, our relationships have suffered and strained more than they were in the past.

stay tuned for the second part. Read, share and follow for more

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