Compatibility in Relationships 1

Dear Readers,

I hope you all are faring well. I am glad to be able to share with you all yet another interesting topic this week. Today I shall be speaking on a topic that many of us have had some encounter with, either directly or indirectly; compatibility in relationships.

One major factor that plays a huge role in determining how we choose our life partners is how compatible we are with them. This naturally brings us to the topic of Astrology and Numerology. The study and mastery of Astrology and Numerology could be a lifelong pursuit and as such we find that in our present day and time, we have few people who really have a mastery of these sciences. One thing we can all agree to is that, whenever we have to get into a relationship we all try to get some information to see how compatible we are with our to-be partners.

One way we do this is by consulting Astrology to see how compatible we are. In Vedic astrology, we have 8 parameters used in determining compatibility. They are as follows: 1. Natural refinement (Varna), 2. Natural liking between the two individuals (Vashya), 3. Positions and degrees of the constellations (Dina), 4. Intimate physical compatibility and sex (Yoni), 5. Mental compatibility (Grahamaitri), 6.Temperamental compatibility (Gana), 7. Destiny i.e. Wealth, Longevity etc. (Rashi), and 8. Influence of health on couple and future children (Nadi).  I must crave your indulgence with the translations of the 8 aforementioned criteria, as it is somewhat difficult to get the exact Sanskrit to English words and meaning.  Each criteria scores points and the points increase in order of their appearance. The first criteria is 1 point and it increases to 8 points on the last criteria. In as much as I do not want to overwhelm you with the technical details it is also beneficial to have a little background information on the various aspects before I begin to elaborate on them.

The “ideal” or perfect couple will be those who have a perfect score of 36 (summation of all points), I do not know if such people exist however in my own experience I am yet to see such a match. A minimum of at least 18 points is necessary for couples to live and work together, although they would have to compromise and put in a lot of work. Needless to say, the higher the point score, the more chances of the marriage been successful. This is not an excuse to act capriciously just because one has a high compatibility score. Every marriage needs attention, love, sacrifice, etc. and irrespective of the score these factors should be incorporated into the marriage.

The first criteria which is the Family Background and class, carries 1 point. It deals with the nature and spiritual refinement of the family where each partner was born. As one can notice, this is not very important, should there be an incompatibility, and it is just 1 point. If compatible, it is desirable.  If there is an incompatibility, it means the partners should be ready to compromise on the behavior of each other, which they may have acquired due to been born in a certain family background. Next is the Natural affection or liking between the two persons who are trying to establish a relationship. This criteria carries 2 points. So the score could be full 2 points which is most desirable or just 1 out of 2, or zero. Should the score be zero, then each partner should try to work on their appeal to each other, like keeping their body fit and attractive.

The third criteria is the synchronization of their constellations which generally translates into daily dealings and happiness together. If they score full 3 points then it is most desirable, if they score less or nothing then each partner should try to spend more time with the other to make up for differences. The fourth criteria is Intimate Physical compatibility and sex. There is no gain saying that this is one factor that has put a lot of marriages and union to the test and eventually ended many. If the score is 4 out of 4 then it is most desirable. Should the score be less than 2 out of 4 then there will be issues with sexual satisfaction, and even issues with conceiving or having children. Sometimes as spiritual practitioners we tend to ignore this factor, because we feel that by been incompatible on this level then automatically one would make advancement spiritually. This is a huge misconception. If both partners are not on the same page when it comes to sexual satisfaction, then they end up living a life that doesn’t really express their real nature or level of advancement.

Even though one may argue that the essence of marriage life for serious spiritual practitioners is to willingly give up sex life by constant detachment, if this detachment is not commensurate with our level of spiritual advancement, there will be problems, anger, unfulfilled desires, frustration, cheating, infidelity and worse case broken marriages. Another interesting factor is when one partner is on a different level of sexual renunciation from the other. If one partner has less inclination towards intimacy and sex while the other is more inclined, this imbalance could also cause friction between the partners. Often times, one partner will always be less satisfied, and if not addressed there could be a downwards spiral from there. In other to be able to conceive and have children the sexual compatibility should also be at least 2 out of 4, otherwise bearing kids becomes an issue too. This criteria cannot be overemphasized and unless the relationship is one that is platonic or of business nature, the intending couple should make sure they score well on this criteria.
We often see the opposite in our spiritual society, where for fear of being ridiculed or for fear of been seen as “fallen” people our intending couples tend to shy away from discussing this part of their relationship. Without harping too long on this subject, I feel that intending couples should discuss this criteria with as much seriousness as they discuss finance.

I’ll have to pause here for this week’s blog and next week I shall elaborate on the other four criteria in the Vedic compatibility system. Till next week, do read, share and follow for more.

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