I hope you all are faring well; it is great to be here today to share with you all yet another interesting topic.
The topic at hand today may seem pretty straight forward however when scrutinized in the deepest sense of it, one can see that it is very intricate. The first part to getting a thorough grasp of any situation we deem unreasonable is to first ask ourselves; by whose perception is this situation being seen as unreasonable? What we may term as being unreasonable, may be seen by someone else as totally reasonable. So there is a question of perception. It is natural for many of you to start to question this point right away saying, “what does he mean by this?”
Usually when faced with an unreasonable situation our first response is to react accordingly with what we deem as “reasonable” and thus shut out anything else that is opposed to our ideology. Speaking from personal experience I must say that the instance we take a moment to reflect and analyze a situation critically not from our perspective but wholistically, we begin to see through the unreasonableness. My Dad has the habit of saying “it is unreasonable to act unreasonably in a situation we think is unreasonable”. Sounds like a pun, but truth be told many people can’t even tell the difference. I know it sounds kind of contradictory to say that situations which we perceive as unreasonable are due to our perception and then few minutes later, tell you that people cannot tell a reasonable situation apart from an unreasonable one.
Allow me dispel this doubt, by citing an example. To an adult it is unreasonable to run around in one’s underwear and roll about in the sand, but to a kid this is fun and in fact you are missing out if you cannot join in. This is a situation of perception due to difference in ideology. Now should the adult spank the kid or try to give the child a sermon about how to be properly dressed at all times, the effects could be counter-productive and even brew hostility. Both parties here are right in their own perspective and trying to sway one from one side to another wouldn’t help much. With time the kid would grow up and also someday understand that he/she cannot expose themselves in public. This example is quite simple and many of us may have other examples which are a lot more complex and probably even more “unreasonable”.
One strong method to surviving unreasonable situations is to “do nothing”. Yea, coming from someone who is an advocate of being productive and active, doing nothing sounds like a bad advice but in a minute we shall see why. Take for instance you are having your bath, and you are covered in lather and suddenly a known lunatic comes into the bathroom and grabs your towel and dashes out. You have two options, jump out of the bathroom naked, covered in lather and give the lunatic a hot pursuit in the attempt to recover your towel, or just remain calm and stay put in the bath. If you decide to take the first course of action of chasing the lunatic, you have just succeeded in making a lunatic out of yourself. People already know the guy with your towel is a lunatic, but seeing you running around naked, covered in lather, they may also draw the conclusion that you are probably insane too. If you choose the second option, you save yourself the embarrassment by refusing to act unreasonably in an unreasonable situation. This you have achieved by actually doing nothing.
So yes, sometimes life or people may throw situations at us which are seemingly unreasonable but our response to such situations show how much we really want to surmount them. Another aspect to unreasonable situations is what I refer to as the “back door” effect. When we deal with people we judge them based on what they say, do and what we think. In some cases we may also try to extrapolate their words or actions in order to try to “figure them out”. Thus naturally if someone bumps into us on the street, we immediately feel, “he/she is rude and lacks courtesy”. If we however try to see through the “back door” which is the underlying and unseen reason why most things happen we may be lucky to see a lot more. A person who bumps into you in a mall, may have been shoved by someone else from behind unknown to you, they may have tripped on someone’s foot, or maybe they were about to fall down from fatigue or an illness and you happened to save the fall but it appears as if they bumped into you. Seeing through the “back door” is just my own way of saying be more compassionate and try to walk a mile in the other person’s shoe before we try to crucify them.
What if they were actually just being rude and disrespectful? Do we also bump into them in retaliation? Do we hurl insults and curses at them? No, these only add to the unreasonableness of the entire situation and it could degenerate into something really nasty in a very short time. Again we do nothing, and just keep moving, and if it was unintentional, usually the person would apologize. If it was intentional, still we are not a victim, we don’t aggravate the situation and thus we surmount the unreasonable.
Thus a brief recap;
- Most unreasonable situations are to a large degree associated with our perception.
- Try to see through the “back door” for underlying reasons, thus giving the situation a better look.
- Be compassionate
- Accept the situation
- Do not act in an unreasonable manner, if you cannot tell the difference, Do nothing.
In life most things won’t make sense to many people, at least not when they happen at first and usually it takes a lot of time of reflection and even experience in life to be able to deduce lessons from the events in our lives. How can we learn if we obstruct those lessons by constantly acting in a manner that is also unreasonable?
I hope this sheds some light on the subject, till next week do read, reflect and share. Do remember to follow this blog for more.