Dealing with Pain

Dear readers,

It is a pleasure to be able to once again share very important topics with you all on this forum. I hope you all are faring well.

Today I shall speak on a topic that almost every one of us has had an experience and would like to have someone to share with. To be sincere and honest with you all, handling pain of whatever type or sort is something many people find difficult to deal with, especially when it is emotionally related. There are different types of pains; those from injuries, setbacks, failed projects, unrealistic expectations, relationships, death etc. Of these, those that are most difficult to endure are those which are related to our various relationships.

Whenever there is pain, we have to understand that there is a causative factor and once we can identify the factor we are one step closer to understanding the dynamics of the pain itself. When we lose a family member to death there is usually a lot of mourning and grief. The family members of the departed person feel they have lost something precious and many never completely heal from this experience. Healing from pain although an entire subject in itself, can be achieved when the person in pain has been able to go through the various stages of pain and has reached a level where they apply realized understanding of the situation to soothe their discomfort. In simpler terms, when a dear person is departed from this physical world, we can eventually understand that they have moved on hopefully to a better place where they no longer have to suffer from disease, old age and even death again.

Knowing this helps those who are related to the departed person, handle the grief better. However there are times when the reason we are in pain is not because of someone who has departed but because of our actions. Take for example in a relationship where two people come together to build a loving union, and there are setbacks and they get hurt, the pain both parties go through is inexplicable and usually the hurt can continue for a long time. If they both however apply a realized understanding to the situation then they can mitigate their suffering. In my blog on expectations and reality I addressed a few points about why people get frustrated sometimes and these points also apply to relationships. The solution to pain is not denying the presence of pain or thinking that pain is only present in a particular place or time; it is actually learning in truth the reason for the pain. Sad enough, many of us lie to ourselves about the real truth of the situation.

If a business man fails in a business venture there can be a thousand and one reasons why, and if he is true to himself he corrects the flaws and tries again even harder and better. We all know of how Thomas Edison tried so many times before he got the Light Bulb, this goes to further show that abandoning the path of our endeavor is not a solution. If Thomas Edison had abandoned his endeavor, who knows how we would manage today. Imagine the pain and frustration he had to go through each time he tried and failed, however he was resolute in his decision to make the bulb work and that never changed. What doesn’t kill you they say makes you stronger. Pain in this material world is inevitable, we can only choose how we embrace it and with whom. In life there are times when we laugh and times when we cry, the question is how and with whom we want to cry.

One thing I have noticed is many people learn through pain faster and quicker than through pleasure, and if you look at life critically there are two categories of pain; the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Usually many people refuse to learn through the pain of discipline until the pain of regret hits them hard in the face. A student who doesn’t have the discipline to study before exams will definitely face the pain of failing the exam, a soldier who doesn’t train before war will definitely bleed more when it arrives, a businessman who doesn’t go through the pain and discipline of managing his finance will face the pain of bankruptcy, the disciple who doesn’t go through the pain of following his spiritual mentors orders will go through the pain of suffering in this material world, and many other examples. When we find ourselves in a painful situation we should ask ourselves certain questions.

  1. How and why is this happening?
  2. Is there anything within my power and influence I can do to make this better?
  3. Can I avoid it in the future completely or is it outside my influence?
  4. Is this pain as result of my actions (past or present)?
  5. Is it my fault (if caused by interaction with others)?
  6. How can I make things better next time?

If the pain is as a result of a dispute my spiritual mentor usually says we should accept this blame and see it as our fault first and only then can we have a wholistic approach of the situation. As far as we live in this world there is a limit to what we can influence and change, an d whenever nature gives us a test and we fail to learn from it properly and try to escape the pain, it comes back twice as hard.

As spiritual practitioners, we must remember that everything happens for a reason and the closer we are to the inner truths of things the better chances we have at dealing with the external pain. Pain and pleasure are opposite sides of the same coin, we can’t have one without the other and thus a seasoned spiritualists knows that whatever the situation is, he/she uses it as an opportunity to give glory to the Supreme Lord.

I shall allow you all to deliberate on these points and next week I will be back with more. Till then read, revise and follow for more




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