The dynamics of a relationship 3

Dear readers and subscribers,

It is a pleasure to be here with you all today to share another interesting topic. I hope you all had a great weekend.

Last week I covered the second part of a series I started about three weeks ago, and today hopefully I can wrap up this topic so that we can proceed to other topics. It is quite interesting that this is one of the few topics where I had to write about three parts in order to shed some considerable light on the matter. We all know that issues concerning love, relationships, intimacy etc. are those which generate a lot of questions.

Well indeed today we have a lot of relationship experts and dating instructors who have made a fortune form “helping” people and giving valid advice, what beats me hollow is despite all these experts helping people why is the divorce rate increasing instead of reducing? It would be definitely unfair to heap all the blame for divorce on those who proffer help. I just ponder a lot on the matter, in a similar scenario there has been an upsurge of churches, on almost every continent yet crime rate is on the increase, abortions are on the increase, etc. Again can we put all the blame on the pastors? Well a good portion of it, just as I would like to put a good portion of the blame on those who give relationship advice that doesn’t have a strong spiritual base as its foundation. I have spoken a lot on the point of having a God-centered relationship in the first two parts hence I won’t linger on it and suggest those reading this first, to kindly read the others in order to flow with the discussion.

As a continuation from point three in part 1, let’s explore a few more points that we can contemplate on.

  1. Add Value to the relationship: I once was with a friend of mine who was eager to get married to a lady who was financially stable and was seeking my opinion on his decision. I asked him just one question and he had his answer. My question was “tell me honestly, would you marry “you” if you were someone else, considering your current state in life?” He smiled and said “honestly I won’t marry me now, if I were someone else.” The point here is before taking the drastic step of entering into a relationship ask yourself, what am I bringing to this relationship? What value am I going to add to it? Am I just in it to get something or in it to share and grow? Many ladies want a Man who is “tall, dark, rich, handsome, educated, with perfect physique, charming, fun to be with, has a sense of humour, lives in a wonderful mansion, has an impeccable sense of taste and last but not least “drops the toilet seat after he does his business” ( hahaha lol). On the other hand Men want a lady who is modest, bashful, soft spoken, beautiful, simple, “all natural”, with the perfect shape and curves, with the charisma of Beyonce, and many other interesting qualities. The sad part is that often times those who want these far out qualities don’t possess such wonderful qualities in themselves. Now this is not to say people shouldn’t desire the best, however if you want the best then become the best and you will naturally attract the best too. Without getting too much into the nitty-gritty all I am saying is, don’t go into a relationship without any value. You should ask yourself, can I currently add value to someone’s life now?
  2. Don’t search in the wrong places: Okay before people get all frenzy about the possibility of finding love in the “strangest of places”, I just want to say that it generally better to shop for a shoe at a shoe store than at a vegetable market. What do I mean? Depending on the type of person you intend to settle down with, you have to scrutinize where you go searching. If you walk into a hospital and meet some who works there and decide to go into a relationship with them, then you can be rest assured that without having to analyze much, you must be ready to make compromise with time as people in the medical sector spend a lot of time in their field of practice. It would be unwise to complain later on about your partner working long hours when from the start you knew fully well what their job was.

Similarly if you are looking for a lady with good moral upbringing or a decent man with character, I doubt if the best place to check is the brothel. This is not to add to stereotypes or anything but sincerely speaking I really don’t know who walks into a brothel in order to find a life partner with the qualities just mentioned. So if you are searching, search wisely. This is particularly serious for those in the spiritual path who want life partners who share similar faith, belief and ideology. It is best to find someone who operates on the same frequency as you in terms of spiritual belief, the last thing you want is to have to be divided on a very important and basic principle such as prayer, faith, lifestyle and religious practice etc.

There are definitely exceptions of people who marry inter-faith and make it till the end of their lives, these are the exceptions. Better to tread a path you know than to imitate.

  1. Communicate, compensate and sometimes compromise: In times of difference and arguments; communicate. Talk, listen, speak, understand and try to resolve differences by dialogue. This is hard to implement sometimes if one of the partners is hard of hearing but what to do, you are both in it together. When there are shortcomings due to personal traits, character and qualities, the other partner can compensate by stepping up if they have the required qualities to salvage the situation.

It is best if we step up and compensate before trying to complain or seek to correct. This is because if your partner is at least willing to change, each time they see you step up and compensate for a shortcoming in the relationship it will inspire them to do same whenever you fall short. (It is worthy to note that if you notice that your partner now uses your spontaneous nature to relax and become lazy then it is best to seek professional counsel).

Finally compromise when there is a mistake that has been rectified and remedied. If there is a fault that has been noted, corrected and worked on then the partners should be ready to compromise and lend a helping hand. Please note that the compromise here is that of helping the partner to grow, either spiritually or materially and not a compromise that makes you reduce your self-worth or spiritual standards.

I still have a couple of points more to share however I hope to introduce them at a later time under a different topic that is however related to relationship.

Till then please, read, share and subscribe.


2 Replies to “The dynamics of a relationship 3”

  1. Ground to earth, practical ! i like this idea of stepping up for eachother, can u explain it little bit deeper whit an example please? Thanks and hope ur good 😉


  2. Thank you for taking out time to drop a message. Well stepping up for each other basically means complementing one another. For example if one partner is not good or weak in a certain area, and the other is then it is preferable that he/ she helps the weaker one out rather than complaining or condeming. In a vivid description, say you are not good at maths and your girlfriend is better then it would compliment you if she can help with your monthly expenditures, instead of nagging about how you get them all wromg everytime and thus affect your budgets. Just a little example. I hope you understand.


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