The dynamics of relationships 1

Dear readers,

Today is an exciting day because I have some good news for you all. Recently by the kind assistance of one of my subscribers I have been able to upgrade our blog space to a functional website. So now we have, our own domain. Yaaaaaay!
Hopefully this upgrade will enable me to share more than just written perspectives but audio and video as well, with time. I must say a big thank you to our Subscriber who prefers to remain anonymous, I really appreciate the gesture. Today I shall also write on a topic that is very important in any spiritual circle and as spiritual practitioners many of us have questions on the topic of relationships between opposite sex.
Due to the elaborate nature of this topic I’ll definitely have to break it into two or more parts.
I know in my last blog I had promise to do a part two to managing desires but this is a special request so for all of you expecting the part two please do bear with me. I promise to revisit it once I am done with this topic.
As living beings we all have needs and one of those needs is the need to love and be loved, thus as social creatures we all try in one way or another to fulfill this need. In the circular world there are rules which govern the principle of relationships and dating most of which are made by the people involved in a relationship, either from the onset when they decide to enter into a relationship with one another or during the course of the relationship. This fact makes it less probable to hold anyone accountable for anything, because every relationship is different due to the fact that the rules governing them are all different. However in a spiritual circle the code is different and there are expectations and also guidelines. Many people may frown at the thought or having to be in a relationship guided by codes or guidelines issued by people they do not know and people who do not understand the dynamics of their own relationship.
I must say to a very large extent I agree with them and support their view, to the degree that they also understand that these rules and codes are just to help most people have healthy relationships on the human level and not enter into relationships just to “quench or satiate” our base tendencies.
What do I mean? Every relationship has a purpose and direction and when it is not defined from onset there is a lot problem with people feeling cheated, used, abused or feeling unsatisfied. When a relationship is defined from onset then the parties involved know from day one where it is headed. A relationSHIP is actually like a SHIP, it has to have a course, and a compass that shows when you are gearing off course.
Codes and guidelines are the compass in a relationship and the purpose of the relationship is the course or the direction in which the relationSHIP must ply. For those who have been on a ship, you will very well agree with me that the captain knows before hand where the ship has to go. No captain sets sail and then mid way high sea begins to ask the members on board where they are headed. That will be utter confusion.
Surprisingly many people get into a relationship without defining the course and then mid way begin to shout “abuse, cheated etc”. Many others know very well from the onset what the relationship is about but due to their own expectations, they somehow live in some delusion that the definition of the relationship might change. So without harping much on the subject of defining a relationship, I must say it is one very important step to take once there is a prospect of being attached emotionally to someone. I once had a friend who made a very remarkable statement in this regard and I imbibed it. He said ; “if I decide to go out with you or date you it is because I see a prospect of having a future with you, it not because I just want to date every girl( or guy as the case maybe) before I settle down. So if I am dating you it is because I feel I can marry you”.
So when a course is defined for a relationSHIP, the next item needed is a “compass”; which is needed to help stay on course. This compass is a set of guidelines to which those who are in the relationship accept to follow willingly. Every spiritual circle or faith has some and I shall share a few here. I know for those who are gaudiya vaisnavas reading this blog, they may be wondering ” are vaisnavas allowed to date?” I’ll answer this question in my followup to this blog. Now back to our guidelines, it is necessary to establish that for a fact these guidelines when seen as rules and regulations to follow rather than advice meant to help us, we create a mental block to even trying to apply them.
So what are these guidelines?
I shall give a summary here and my readers should see these are useful advice rather than instructions. Those who are practicing vaisnavas may obviously see them differently.
1. Every relationship should have, giving satisfaction to the Supreme as its primary objective.
Once this is set from day one, it becomes a lot easier to steer clear from anything that could jeopardize the healthy nature of the relationship. How? Whenever there is a dilemma of choice or actions, the bottom question is ” does this please or give satisfaction to the Supreme lord? ” if yes we continue, if no we pause and reflect.
That way no one is pressured into accepting anything just to “please” the other on a sensory level.

2. The definition of the relationship determines the dynamics of the relationship
A relationship where say an intending couple knows for sure this is a marriage oriented relationship has a different approach to one where both parties know it is just an affair or a fling. No one in a fling expects commitment, loyalty or exclusiveness. However a marriage focused relationship has the aforementioned qualities in it, thus anyone who transgresses these qualities knows very well he/she is acting against the definition.
Those emotionally invested in a relationship will find that this definition also gives them a lot of peace of mind and also save them from a lot of possible embarrassment.

3. The relationship is bound to to be influenced by certain factors especially when in a spiritual circle
When a relationship such as a that between intending couples take root in a spiritual environment wether we like it or not there is bound to be a lot of scrutiny even from those we don’t ask or expect it from. One may wonder why. Well truth be told most of this scrutiny are usually mere busybody while some are actually genuine sincere input from those who have our spiritual wellbeing at heart. It is left for the couple to know the difference. On the positive side, these external influences may include cautions as to how much affection the couple may display in public, or how much intimacy they may exhibit. Of course no one knows what you do behind closed doors save and except both of you however if you both have principle or advice number 1, in mind, you both wont have to worry about external critics, especially in a spiritual circle.
In order to reduce the length of this blog I will pause here for the first part to allow my readers assimilate all what we have discussed here so far then in my next blog I’ll bring more insight into the topic.
Till then do share this with friends and family and spread the word of our new website. Have a wonderful week ahead. Cheers.


2 Replies to “The dynamics of relationships 1”

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